“It's not the hair on your head that matters. It's the kind of hair you have inside.”---Gary Shandling

Now.. i bring you....live from Bagdad....Part Two of our story!

The girls did their service a little bit different because they wanted to donate their hair to "Locks of Love" to go to wigs for kids with cancers, etc.... So we had to braid their hair up, measure to make sure it was at least 10 inches (Sarah just barely made it whereas, Cassidy gave 12 inches of luscious locks), and then cut off the braids to send them in.

I will tell the rest of the story via pictures and clever commentary....

Cassidy wanted to go first... she was really the catalist for the "Locks of Love" idea and she was excited and ready.... (You can see that I still have my normal hair up on my headtop...(just like "Up on the housetop")
Lund runs over to appraise the work and he is thrilled too.. he remarked how pretty she looked immediatley (someday that will be an asset that his wife will love, he is free with his compliments)
After Cassidy runs off for a quick shower, she then convinces her sister that she, herself, should get to cut the braid this time and Sarah was willing to let her have a hand at it...
She got about half way through the braid and decided that it isn't easy to cut that much hair at once, so then mom took over to try to finish up a haircut on her... here she is so proud to hold up her braid.....I then started working on forming a workable haircut.. Here they all are after showering off the stray hairs. We then talked about how good it makes us feel and had a lesson about service, love, and respect for others.... And here is their friend, Jazzlyn, opening up some presents that some of the kids got her at school yesterday. She was happy to be with her peers again, even if just for a moment!!! We Love you Jazzlyn!!!

They went to school yesterday with "mom's haircut" which left much to be desired, but after school my wonderful friend and hairsylist, Felissa, had them come over and fixed them up and now.........here is Sarah right before we left for her school Christmas program last night..

This shows Cassidy in her costume for their Christmas program tonight. She is practicing a curtsy!!!

And here is the back of Cassidy's hair... It has an A-line style that works great for both girls. They look like a million bucks!!!!!! here is Sarah right before school today and this gives you a better view of her haircut (and her chocolate chip pancakes!) And here is the back of Sarah's hair... again a similar A-line style that works great on her!!!
I love my girls and they are such a great example to me of giving freely to others when they need it... even if they just need support and love and a little bit of hair!!!! Aren't kids amazing???!!!!

"I am not Bald.... I am just taller than my hair!!"

This is going to be part 1 of a 2 part story because my pain meds are giong to kick in soon and because I wanted to do the boys and the girls separetely. We will start with my awesome, amazing, loving, strong, and handsome sons! They told me that when I lost my hair because of chemotherapy, they wanted to shave their heads as well, and I figured that they might forget or not want to when it really came down to it.. and plus, my hair hasn't fallen out yet! Crazy, I know.. but the nurse reassured me that it will pretty much be happening this week... Sunday at the latest, so I am just letting it hang on for a few more minutes and when I see the first sign of a clump of hair in my hand.... "Well, off with my head!!! I mean my hair!!!"
But when Morgan and I returned back home on Monday evening, the kids had another idea in mind and we incorporated it into our Family Home Evening. They have a really close friend that goes to school with them that has luekemia and she has just recently lost her hair due to all of her chemotherapy. Well, the doctors changed her meds up a bit and she was allowed to come and see the kids at her school for a day or two and she was soooooooooooooo excited. The teacher said that the kids needed to be mindful that it was going to be hard for her to come to school without hair and asked if any of the boys wanted to shave their heads to make her feel better. Of course, Lund, who can't stand to see anyone feel lonely or sad, raised his hand immediately!!! I love my sensitive boy!!!! He is such a great example to me... So we decided to have our "Hair Family Home Evening" a little bit earlier than we were going to so that Lund could shave his head early for Jazzlyn. Here is the rest of the story in pictures...

Morgan decided to do the honors and so here is Lund before the shaving...

You always have to take a picture at this point... this is referred to as "old man hair" with my kids (even though both of their grandpa's have a full head of glorious hair)...

And here is the finished product... one handsome boy!!! It also seems to make you lose about 50 lbs or something, cause that kiddo is skinny!!!! ...

Then Will got excited and wanted to join in on the action. So here he is before the new bald do..

And here he is with his "old man hair"....

And here is the end result, another handsome little man!!

Side story: A few minutes later... Will got embarrassed and ran and hid under his bed. Lund went and found him and told him how cool he was and how he looked just like the "Avatar" which is a show they like to watch together. Lund made him feel like a million bucks and Will crawled out from under his bed and then I took these "strength poses" of my boys!!!! I love them dearly and they always amaze me with their courage!!!!

He looks at his brother one more time for reassurance....

And then here they are on top of the world together!!!!!!! They simply exude strength!!!!!!

On a separate side note: At about 12:30am Will comes into my bedroom and says, "O.K. I want my hair back... I don't want to be the Avatar anymore... and mom... where does juice come from?"

All's Well that Ends Well...

This week was a bit of a trial for me and I am glad to see that it is over and all is well that ends well.
It was my first time going through chemotherapy and it was a new, crazy experience for me. I wasn't quite ready for the down time that comes with the chemo treatments and this one was a doozy for me and hopefully we won't have a repeat..um EVER. Now, after a week of being really, really, really sick and a special trip to the ER yesterday I am back to "normal" again and ready to fight this cancer thing some more. Hopefully, I can have a few weeks off before I get attacked by that silly "chemo monster" again.
But alas, the week is over and behind me so I don't want to dwell on it any longer....enough said!!! Suffice it to say... it was a long week!!!
But I wanted to spotlight for a second a few of the cute things my kids have been saying or doing lately....
Cassidy: She has been busy as a bee with her friends and school lately and is so full of fun, drama, and her "band". She makes up a "band" virtually everyday and hires new members of her band, pays them a few pennies here and there and "hires" new managers and directors constantly. She is a tough cookie to work for!
Lund: He is as serious and studious as ever. He is constantly wondering and pondering. I sure do love that kiddo! He is really enjoying walking up to his friend's house, "the pacheco's" and wrestling and hanging out up there.
Sarah: She has just been so sentimental and loving as always. when my sister, Becky, was here in Bagdad helping us during chemo this week, Sarah went up to her and said, "You are just so pretty!!! I just have to hug you because you are so beautiful!!" What a cute comment!!!! Love her!!!
Will: He is our "connection to reality" because he keeps us grounded in real life. He comments all the time and his comments seem to come out of nowhere. Like for instance yesterday we pulled up in front of Morgan's office for a brief minute and Morgan got out to run into the office. While Morgan was gone Will said, "Where is he going?" I replied that he was just running into his work office. " Well, do they make brownies?" was Will's quick response. "What do you mean, do they make brownies?" "Well," Will responded, "Do they make brownies or coconuts?" ... So now we know what Morgan does for a living, he makes brownies and coconuts.

To all who who know who you are: Yes, I am talking to you!!!! I am talking to everyone out there that have been making my life HEAVEN lately by being angels in the life of myself and my family. Whether you have brought in a meal, taken one of my kids to school, sent a card to cheer me up or just been there with a smile.... I want to say to each and everyone of you that I LOVE YOU!!! You make life worth living and my family has been touched everyday by you!!! Thanks from the bottom of my heart!!!

This Entry Aint going to be pretty!!!!

Here I am as a first timer in the "Chemo Room"

I love to have a positive attitude because I think it is the most important drug you can have while dealing with cancer. But as I sit here in the car, medicated and still reliving todays events in my mind, I decided to go with a blunt tactic because I had a very scary experience and leaving it out would be like trying to fool all my friends and loved ones. We don't want that now!

So, here's the skinny: Today was a long day and my first chemotherapy session so to say the least I was very scared. I couldn't get to sleep last night, which was o.k. because my crazy older sister goes shopping at midnight--- did I mention she is one spunky crazy gal?!! So I snuck out of bed after making sure Morgan was soundly asleep (the poor man needs all the sleep he can get while dealing with me lately). So at midnight I snuck out with my big sis and we headed off to Walmart. We shopped and we talked and then we talked some more and finally went to bed at 3:30am. It was wonderful and I loved talking to her just like the old days.

Today I had a MUGGA scan at 8:30am, this scan is a scan of my heart because one of the medicines they are putting into me during chemo is hard on my heart. The scan lasted about two and a half hours and we then had to eat and go to my chemo session.

When we entered the waiting room it was PACKED and as you sat there waiting, I couldn't help but think, "You have to wait to be tortured, ....interesting!"

When they finally brought me back to my lovely recliner and hooked everything into me, the business of chemo began. The first medicine was two syringes of kool-aide looking liquid that they pushed through the IV. This is the medicine that gets rid of your hair pretty fast and I am sure has a lot of other good purposes that have to do with combatting cancer. Oh, and you pee red for a couple of days.... interesting! Then we were onto the next medicine, a 1 hour drip that was fine and I didn't feel any effects or anything. Becuase I was craving Mesa Frozen Yogurt, I had Morgan go and make a FroYo run while I was doing this medicine. So, then they got ready to begin the third medicine and the nurse begins by saying that less than 20% of the people taking this medicine have allergic reactions. WARNING FLAG: Lately, I have been beating all odds when it comes to "statistics", for example: six months ago when I had my first biopsy, it was 99% accurate and it said I had no cancer, example 2: The nurses assured me that I didn't have cancer, because cancerous lumps don't hurt... wrong again. Example 3: Right after my excisional biopsy on October 28th the surgeon came out into the waiting room and told Morgan that it looked just like he thought, not cancerous at all. um...wrong. Example 4: The surgeon who was telling me I had cancer, three days after example #3, told me that it didn't make sense. I didn't have any of the factors they looked for.. no family history of cancer, too young, breast-fed four kids, the works. But we all know how that turned out. Example #5: When my cancer surgeon was feeling my lymphnodes before surgery, she said, "I don't feel any enlarged lymhnodes, so I am pretty sure it hasn't spread into the lymphnodes. wrong again: They had to take all of my lymhnodes out on the left side because 8 of them were cancerous.

As I am calculating all of these examples of "beating the statistics" in my head, the nurse is still droning on about how the reaction will take place, if you have a reaction. In the first 15 minutes of getting the drip, you will have trouble breathing, your back may hurt, etc... So Morgan and I ate our frozen yogurt and sat and talked as they began the drip. Pretty soon, Morgan said, "wow, 10 minutes have gone by... I guess you finally beat the odds." No sooner had these words escaped his mouth, I suddenly couldn't breathe... And I mean suddendly! One second I was bringing a spoonful of yogurt to my lips and the next second, I could only see floating things in front of my face and no air was making it in or out. Morgan saw the fear spread across my face and he got the nurses over to me quick. By this time, I was gasping and my back felt like it was splitting in half. Everywhere hurt and the nurses were buzzing around me like bees. They gave me oxygen, tried to flush out my body of the medicine, and when that didn't work, they used some sort of "antivenum" to get it out of me. It was definitley a top five on my list of scary moments in my life. the nurse then commented to me after about a half hour of stabilizing my body that I had one of the worst reactions they have seen with that medicine. Nobody got me an award or anything! He!He! My blood pressure had dropped to 73 over 51 and I was sweating like I had just run a mile. They pumped me full of saline for quite a while and then finally released me. All I wanted to do was to get home!!! So Morgan and I got in the car and we headed towards our warm sanctuary in Bagdad.

Now, you have the true story of how my first chemo trip was and today as I reflect back... I am just glad it is over. (Half of this blog entry was written yesterday and half today). I am having a good day today.... I am exhausted, have a headache and am a bit scared of eating any food, but all in all, I am just happy to be home and back in my "magic recliner".

I love you all and felt so many prayers as I went to my first chemo trip, thank you so much for your love!!!! Love is so important!!!

Has Your New Version Come Out Yet?

This is Morgan once again, and no, I am not trying to make blog entries a regular thing, but there are times when I do feel the need to offer a slightly different perspective on all things breast cancer in our family.
I was taking an inventory of myself and our family yesterday (it’s what I do, I work in supply chain remember),and I have noticed some changes. Apparently, like Microsoft did to Windows XP, our Heavenly Father has taken a look at our family and decided it is time for a new version. Also like Windows XP, I didn't really think that there was anything wrong with the version we had. The old version was doing everything that I thought I wanted it to do so why mix things up?
Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily think that Christa was purposefully given breast cancer or that we are being punished for any shortcomings. On the contrary, I am more apt to believe that this whole thing is a product of our mortality. However, I do believe that we have been given, and are currently being blessed with, all of the tools we need to not only get through this challenge, but to get through it as a stronger, better, and closer family. For example, I cannot look back at this last year in particular without recognizing countless tender mercies that were given when and where we needed them in order to prepare us for this. We continue to be surrounded by them now. They were given to us before as a preparation, and are given to us now as answers to prayers. Thank you for those prayers.
We are currently sitting in the "chemo room" at the hospital waiting for the first dose to be finished. It is taking a lot longer than we had anticipated, but I will let Christa fill you in on that later. Did I mention how much I love that woman? You may or may not know that her last post about falling down was done for me. You see, I was pretty out of sorts after that fall. Christa = strong / Morgan = weak. I felt terrible and the memory kept replaying in my mind. It was a grating, caustic memory, and I wasn't even the one who fell. I believe that she wrote that post in the whimsical way that she did in an attemtp to temper and dampen it for me. And, temper it she did. She took the time to take the edge off of what I was feeling, even though I could do little or nothing for her discomfort.
It is through these acts, the least of which I just described, that Christa has joined forces with our Heavenly Father to push through what I will refer to Morgan 2.o (two point oh). I don't quite know what to think yet about Morgan 2.0. This new version is definately built on a more humble platform. It also had an extra 200 Mhz of gratitude for its blessings. The boot-up to tears time has also been greatly reduced. This new version will take some getting used to, but I suppose it will work out.
Hopefully we are jumping straight to the Windows 7 and skipping right over Vista.

I WILL go to that Christmas Party!! I WILL!!

Here is a picture of Morgan and I right before going to his yearly work Christmas Party. Don't we look so festive in our red and green???!!! Now, I will tell you a little bedtime story that goes along with this picture...
Once upon a time there was a wonderful couple, let's call them Borgan and Trista, that wanted so despirately to go to an upcoming work Christmas Party. Let's say they were Royalty, King Borgan and the fair Queen Trista. Well, Trista had just had a surgery (what a coinscidence, huh??!!), and she wasn't feeling great, but she wanted to go to the party so she rested all day and got dressed up at 6pm to go to the party with the wonderful King, Borgan. They decided to leave the kingdom in the hands of the fair Lassidy while they left for an hour sebaticol. They knew that the trolls would be hard for Lassidy to handle, but Lassidy was becoming a very good troll-tamer. All except for the most fierce and wild troll, Dill, who was not to be tamed as of yet. So Borgan and Trista decided to take Dill to the party, so they could keep a close eye on him and make sure he didn't cast any evil spells on anyone, like the evil, "poop his own pants" spell or the infamous, "Dump everything on the floor" spell.
Well, Borgan and Trista and the troll, Dill, arrived late to the party because they took their royal time getting ready and they also wanted to make a royal entrance. They had let their chauffer take the night off so they parked their royal chariot at the bottom of the hill closest to the party. There were many other royal people there and there were many chariots there and they had to almost park in another kingdom because of all the royal chariots. Since they had to park far away, they had to walk aways to get to the royal party. As they were walking, something happened--- Queen Trista had worn her glass slippers to the party and sometimes they weren't the most reliable shoes for long distances. As Trista was taking a step, she hit a pit in the road (probably placed there by an evil sorcerer), and she fell hard, right on her royal chest! Well, it just so happened that she had just had surgery on her royal chest and so this fall caused much pain to her highness. Her dear husband, King Borgan was beside himself with grief, trying to help his beloved and offering to take her back to her own kingdom where she would be safe again. (All the while, the troll, Dill, walked in circles casting evil curses on unsuspecting shrubs and boulders). When Queen Trista finally made it to her feet, King Borgan was ready to take her back to her kingdom, but Queen Trista said, "We have made it this far. We ARE GOING TO A ROYAL PARTY TONIGHT!!!" And King Borgan took her arm with admiration filling his eyes, and he helped his royal highness to the party and they enjoyed a wonderful (if not a little bit painful), evening together as King and Queen (and troll). And everyone lived happily ever after thanks to pain meds and comfy recliners!! The End!!

Does this shirt make my head look bald??!!

I found a very humorous t-shirt online that says.. "does this shirt make my head look bald?" and that is just a little preview of my blog entry today.
Yesterday, Morgan and I went to Phoenix to do one of our marathon trips. We had three doctors appointments and it was a very long day. The first appointment was with my Oncologist, who will be in charge of my chemotherapy treatments. We will be starting my chemo treatments next Monday and I guess I am a bit nervous for this new experience in my life. Because I am young, they are going to give me a very powerful dose of chemo because my body can take it---so they say. Also, one of the perscriptions the nurse gave me had be baffled for a minute, let's see if you can figure it out. It is a prescription for a "cranial prosthesis"... any ideas as to what it is??? Just think for a minute!!!!
o.k.......... enough time..... It is a prescription for a wig!!! he!he!!! Funny huh? I guess that is how it has to be billed to the insurance company. Silly! I guess one of my three chemo meds is pretty much a guarantee that I will lose my hair within the first week or so after my 1st chemo. Enough about the bald thing... I am over that now, I think I will let each of my kids have a pair of scissors and each have a chance to cut moms hair!!! Well, maybe not Will, I need my ears!!!
Then we went on to meet the Radiologist, but radiation won't start until after chemo... so I am not really concentrating on that right now. I have enough on my almost bald head to worry about!
Then came the painful appointment... the plastic surgeon. he ripped off my steri-strips that were holding my incisions together... argg! And then for the good stuff--- he stabbed a needle into a speical valve in my chest and filled my spacers with 180cc each. Let me just tell you that this was the most painful thing that has ever happened to me while sitting in a chair calmly at a doctors office. Now I have two rocks on my chest and I feel like my skin is ripping apart and my ribs are going to crack. Good news though-- this is normal! And guess what, some people go through all of this ON PURPOSE! I am thinking right now that large chests are definitley overrated!! Well, enough complaining... life is beautiful and I am so glad that we have medical miracles like chemotherapy, radiation, and yes, even reconstruction!