Yes, I am on a pain meds as I write this, which basically turns me into the emotional consistency of a pregnant lady, but everything that I am about to type is true.
I was feeling bad for myself a little while ago, (like 20 minutes ago),........."oh poor me, my lungs are filling up with fluid.....oh poor me, it's hard to breathe...........oh poor me,.............waaaawahhhwahhh." And then I went to my facebook entry i had recently posted and noticed that 27 people had posted beautiful remarks about praying for me and caring for me, and loving me. My heart was sooo touched that I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started to look around me at everything else......
Here are some wonderful things that have been going on lately.
A. I had a horrible sore throat for two weeks, that sore throat was what got me into the ER finally last week. Nothing was wrong with my throat, but my lungs were filling up with fluid and collapsing. Sore throat blessing?........ I think so!
B. Our family has experienced an outpouring of love that surpasses my understanding. Meals, Grandparent slumber parties, cleaning sisters, laundry fairies, and the list goes on and on..... I am baffled at the love!
C. And i would just like to share with you a story that touches my heart everytime I think of it. It is very personal, but I feel close to all of my readers.
Morgan and I went back to the hospital on Sunday night and I was going to have my left lung drained again in the morning. I BEGGED Morgan to go home and be with the kids, so they wouldn't be so traumatized at mom being gone at the hospital AGAIN. Reluctantly he left my bedside and went home.
Hours went by and I lay in the dark hospital room and all I could think of was something the lung doctor had said, almost in passing...."worse case scenario, you could drown in your own lungs....." like it was the flu, or a bad cold.
In that dark room, as those words swirled around in my head, I had FEAR, real live FEAR! I didn't want to go to sleep and die in the night, and I lay there on the hospital couch in the room with wide eyes.
By this time it was probably 1 am and still I lay there looking like a cartoon character in the darkness with HUGE eyes. My nurse came in to check on me and immediately melted. She asked what was wrong and I told her that I didn't want to drown. She was soooo nurturing, I will not ever forget it. She ran over and sat next to me and talked to me. She asked me if I wanted to play on her iphone or just hang out right there all night together. She asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her. She got me medicine that calmed me down and then she didn't stop there. She stuck her desk right outside my window to my room and opened the curtains so she could constantly watch me. She turned a dim light on and she would come in every once in a while and rub my arm or my hair, just to let me know that she was there. She propped my door open with some cupboards that she dragged over and listened and watched me ALL NIGHT LONG. Long after the medicine worked its magic and the prayers kicked in. In the morning, I saw her only momentarily as they whisked me away to my procedure. I didn't get to thank her, but I will never forget her. The night nurse who had other patients, but left the ninety and nine, for the one who needed her the most!!!