This Entry Aint going to be pretty!!!!

Here I am as a first timer in the "Chemo Room"

I love to have a positive attitude because I think it is the most important drug you can have while dealing with cancer. But as I sit here in the car, medicated and still reliving todays events in my mind, I decided to go with a blunt tactic because I had a very scary experience and leaving it out would be like trying to fool all my friends and loved ones. We don't want that now!

So, here's the skinny: Today was a long day and my first chemotherapy session so to say the least I was very scared. I couldn't get to sleep last night, which was o.k. because my crazy older sister goes shopping at midnight--- did I mention she is one spunky crazy gal?!! So I snuck out of bed after making sure Morgan was soundly asleep (the poor man needs all the sleep he can get while dealing with me lately). So at midnight I snuck out with my big sis and we headed off to Walmart. We shopped and we talked and then we talked some more and finally went to bed at 3:30am. It was wonderful and I loved talking to her just like the old days.

Today I had a MUGGA scan at 8:30am, this scan is a scan of my heart because one of the medicines they are putting into me during chemo is hard on my heart. The scan lasted about two and a half hours and we then had to eat and go to my chemo session.

When we entered the waiting room it was PACKED and as you sat there waiting, I couldn't help but think, "You have to wait to be tortured, ....interesting!"

When they finally brought me back to my lovely recliner and hooked everything into me, the business of chemo began. The first medicine was two syringes of kool-aide looking liquid that they pushed through the IV. This is the medicine that gets rid of your hair pretty fast and I am sure has a lot of other good purposes that have to do with combatting cancer. Oh, and you pee red for a couple of days.... interesting! Then we were onto the next medicine, a 1 hour drip that was fine and I didn't feel any effects or anything. Becuase I was craving Mesa Frozen Yogurt, I had Morgan go and make a FroYo run while I was doing this medicine. So, then they got ready to begin the third medicine and the nurse begins by saying that less than 20% of the people taking this medicine have allergic reactions. WARNING FLAG: Lately, I have been beating all odds when it comes to "statistics", for example: six months ago when I had my first biopsy, it was 99% accurate and it said I had no cancer, example 2: The nurses assured me that I didn't have cancer, because cancerous lumps don't hurt... wrong again. Example 3: Right after my excisional biopsy on October 28th the surgeon came out into the waiting room and told Morgan that it looked just like he thought, not cancerous at all. um...wrong. Example 4: The surgeon who was telling me I had cancer, three days after example #3, told me that it didn't make sense. I didn't have any of the factors they looked for.. no family history of cancer, too young, breast-fed four kids, the works. But we all know how that turned out. Example #5: When my cancer surgeon was feeling my lymphnodes before surgery, she said, "I don't feel any enlarged lymhnodes, so I am pretty sure it hasn't spread into the lymphnodes. wrong again: They had to take all of my lymhnodes out on the left side because 8 of them were cancerous.

As I am calculating all of these examples of "beating the statistics" in my head, the nurse is still droning on about how the reaction will take place, if you have a reaction. In the first 15 minutes of getting the drip, you will have trouble breathing, your back may hurt, etc... So Morgan and I ate our frozen yogurt and sat and talked as they began the drip. Pretty soon, Morgan said, "wow, 10 minutes have gone by... I guess you finally beat the odds." No sooner had these words escaped his mouth, I suddenly couldn't breathe... And I mean suddendly! One second I was bringing a spoonful of yogurt to my lips and the next second, I could only see floating things in front of my face and no air was making it in or out. Morgan saw the fear spread across my face and he got the nurses over to me quick. By this time, I was gasping and my back felt like it was splitting in half. Everywhere hurt and the nurses were buzzing around me like bees. They gave me oxygen, tried to flush out my body of the medicine, and when that didn't work, they used some sort of "antivenum" to get it out of me. It was definitley a top five on my list of scary moments in my life. the nurse then commented to me after about a half hour of stabilizing my body that I had one of the worst reactions they have seen with that medicine. Nobody got me an award or anything! He!He! My blood pressure had dropped to 73 over 51 and I was sweating like I had just run a mile. They pumped me full of saline for quite a while and then finally released me. All I wanted to do was to get home!!! So Morgan and I got in the car and we headed towards our warm sanctuary in Bagdad.

Now, you have the true story of how my first chemo trip was and today as I reflect back... I am just glad it is over. (Half of this blog entry was written yesterday and half today). I am having a good day today.... I am exhausted, have a headache and am a bit scared of eating any food, but all in all, I am just happy to be home and back in my "magic recliner".

I love you all and felt so many prayers as I went to my first chemo trip, thank you so much for your love!!!! Love is so important!!!